What is Asexuality?

While Ace Week takes place in October, International Asexuality Day is coming up on April 6th, and just like Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week back in February, I thought now would be a good time to talk about IAD and what it means to be on the Asexual spectrum.

Abrosexual: “a term that describes a kind of sexual fluidity. Someone who’s abrosexual finds that their sexual attracttion [sic] shifts often: they might identify with the term ‘gay,’ and later feel attracted to people of all genders, and then feel little to no sexual attraction at all” (Ferguson, 2022).

Acespec: An abbreviation that means Asexual Spectum. Used to refer to all the identities that fall on the asexual spectrum.

Aceflux: “Individuals whose sexual orientation fluctuates along the spectrum between asexual and sexual” (OkCupid).

Aegosexual: “people who experience a disconnect between themselves and the subject of arousal. This enables them to experience sexual attraction, arousal, and desire in response to sexual stimuli, yet they have little or no desire to engage in sexual activity with anyone…. first called autochorissexuality back in 2012 by Dr. Anthony Bogaert” (Lavenia & Rosalin, 2022).

Allosexual (Allo): “An adjective used to describe a person who experiences sexual attraction to others, and is not asexual” (Glaad, 2023).

Apothisexual: Individuals who are repulsed at the idea of sexual interactions that involve them. The term ‘sex repulsed’ is often used interchangeably. (Leitner, 2022)

Asexual (Ace): “experience little to no sexual attraction to others. Aces can experience other forms of attraction, like romantic, sensual or aesthetic attraction, and can still engage in sexual activity if they choose to for various reasons despite not feeling sexual desire” (Seattle Pride, 20223).

Autosexual: “This sexual orientation refers to people who feel a sexual attraction toward themselves, one that surpasses your standard dose of “self-love.” In autosexuality, your primary sexual attraction is for the one and only YOU” (Hsieh & Engle, 2023).

Cupiosexual: Individuals who desire sexual experiences or a sexual relationship with someone but doesn’t experience sexual attraction. A relatively new term, believed to be coined in 2014. (Hsieh & Kibbe, 2023)

Demisexual (Demi): People who are demisexual “only experience sexual attraction once they form a strong emotional connection with another person” (Seattle Pride, 2023)

Fraysexual: Individuals that are only sexually attracted to those they do not have an emotional connection with. Once such a bond begins to form the sexual attract will begin to diminish. Often described as the opposite of Demisexual (Glassman-Hughes, 2022)

Greysexual (Grey Ace): This identity is “characterized by being asexual while also being able to experience or have previously experienced sexual attraction. This could appear in sexual attraction that is low in intensity, infrequent, ambiguous or only direction toward specific people” (Seattle Pride, 2023).

Lithosexual: “a person who experiences sexual attraction but does not want it reciprocated” (View, 2019).

History and Observance

International Asexuality Day is a new day of recognition, having only been established in 2021 (International Asexuality Day). It is April 6th, which was chosen “to avoid clashes with other significant dates around the world and to fit in with the constraints of the participating organisations as far as possible” (International Asexuality Day).

International Asexuality Day “does not belong to one particular organisation, being a collaboration between different international ace groups” (International Asexuality Day).

There is a strong focus on the part of the organizers to ensure that this day is not US-centric and is accessible to ace individuals around the world. The day is designed to complement other ace events like Ace Week (the last week in October), but with a special emphasis on the international community, going beyond the anglophone and Western sphere that has so far had the most coverage (International Asexuality Day).

The four themes of International Asexuality Day are advocacy, celebration, education, and solidarity (international asexuality day.org) These themes can be promoted in whatever way you want, whether you fall under the asexual spectrum, or are an ally. A simple photo post talking about your identity or support of Ace individuals or sharing information about the AceSpec identities (like this blog post!) can be a great way to mark the date.

Symbols of Asexual Pride

The most obvious symbol for asexual pride is the ace pride flag. From top to bottom it has a black stripe, a grey stripe, a white stripe, and purple stirpes. “The black stripe represents asexuality, the grey stripe represents grey-sexuality, the white stripe represents sexuality, and the purple stripe represents the a-spectrum community” (Asexuality Handbook). In this case, the term ‘a-spectrum refers to both asexual individuals and aromantic individuals and those within their individual spectrums. “The Asexual Pride flag was created in 2010 online via a popular vote led by the Asexuality and Visibility Education Network, AKA AVEN” (Elle, 2021).

An image of an asexual pride pride flag made with different stripes of fabric. It is hung up on a string with clothespins. — An asexual pride flag from my Patchwork Pride collection. This flag is available for purchase in my shop. You can find the flag by clicking on the photo.

Another of the most common symbols of Asexual pride is the black ring. This specific “black ring [is] worn on the middle finger of the right hand… [and provide] a discreet visual clue that the people around them may also be asexual” (Asexuality handbook.com) either in the instance that a person is not comfortable being entirely out as asexual, or perhaps wants to be connected to the asexual community in this way, or both!

The black ring, as a symbol has evolved over time. It “originated from a 2005 AVEN thread, being a subversion of the traditional wedding band that demonstrated a rejection traditional relationship values” (Asexuality Handbook). This is an understandable impulse, as sex is often considered a requirement of a marriage, healthy or not.

However, asexual individuals can get married if they so desire, and can even enjoy sex and the intimacy it brings. Understanding this, in “the broader community the ring has never carried any such connotation” (Asexuality Handbook).

Cake is another well-known symbol within the asexual community. “Cake is used as a symbol for asexuality by allusion to the common observation that asexuals prefer cake to sex. Although some asexuals may enjoy sex more than cake, the observation highlights how many asexuals see sex as something ordinary, like eating a cake. Other foods may be used instead with the same intended effect, notably garlic bread” (Asexuality Handbook)

A three tiered cake covered with white fondant. There are two dark purple flowers made out of fondant on the cake. there are strings of beads coming out of each flower. The cake is on a table with black and purple decorative cloths.

The ace of spades is an obvious symbol. ‘Ace’ is an abbreviation of the word asexual, and is a playing card. Each suit has its own meaning, even if each of these sub-meanings isn’t as well known. The ace of hearts represents alloromantic aces, spades are for aromantic aces, diamonds represent demisexuals / greysexuals, and clubs are for questioning aces (Elle, 2021)

Similar to the gryphon being a symbol of aromatic pride, the dragon is a symbol of asexual pride. “While nobody seems to have a clear answer of where this symbol came from, it is said that it started as a joke on Tumblr…. Mythical creatures are often used to represent the ace community as aces feel that they are like mythical creatures, because society doesn’t always feel like we exist” (asexuals.net, 2022).

Books with Asexual Representation

Just like last time, I wanted to share a book with ace representation at the end of this post. This time I picked Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire. I love Seanan McGuire’s books so much, and her Wayward Children series is no exception. In this book, the main character, Nancy talks about her preference for relationships of the romantic sort, like flirting and other romantic connections, but also that she doesn’t want anything beyond that in terms of relationships. This suggests that Nancy is asexual and allometric. Any hyperlinks followed with an asterisk (*) indicate that they are affiliate links. This means that if you purchase something from this link, I receive a small commission from the site. It will not change the price of the product for you.

Bibliography

Asexual symbols explained: Learn more about asexuality on asexuals.net. Asexuals.net. (2022, March 9). https://www.asexuals.net/asexual-symbol-explained/

Asexual Symbols. Asexuality Handbook. (n.d.). https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/asexual-symbols

Elle. (2021, October 24). A short guide to asexuality. Rainbow & Co. https://rainbowandco.uk/blogs/what-were-saying/a-short-guide-to-asexuality

Ferguson, S. (2022, May 27). 10 abrosexual faqs: Meaning, signs, dating. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/abrosexual#definition

GLAAD. (2023, May 1). Glossary of terms: LGBTQ. GLAAD. https://glaad.org/reference/terms/

Glassman-Hughes, E. (2022, May 6). Fraysexuality can be misunderstood. here’s what you need to know. Sexopedia. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sexopedia/a39927546/what-is-fraysexuality/

Hsieh, C., & Engle, G. (2023, December 19). Here’s What It Means to Be Autosexual. Sexopedia. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sexopedia/a32700577/autosexual-definition/

Hsieh, C., & Kibbe, K. (2023, August 23). Cupiosexual definition - what is cupiosexuality?. Sexopedia. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sexopedia/a35046096/cupiosexual/

International Asexuality Day (IAD). (n.d.). International asexuality day. International Asexuality Day (IAD). https://internationalasexualityday.org/en/

Lavenia, A., & Rosalin, D. (2022, November 9). Aegosexuality: What is it and the history behind it. inspire. https://www.cxomedia.id/human-stories/20221109131918-74-176990/aegosexuality-what-is-it-and-the-history-behind-it#:~:text=Aegosexual%20classifies%20people%20who%20experience,in%20sexual%20activity%20with%20anyone

LEITNER, B. (2022, December 6). Apothisexuality explains why some folks are repulsed by sex. Sexopedia. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sexopedia/a42160151/apothisexual/

Okcupid. (n.d.). Identity: Orientation and gender expressions. Okcupid. https://www.okcupid.com/identity/

Seattlepride. (2023, April 5). International asexuality day: Three ways to be an ally to the asexual community: News: Seattle pride. Seattle Pride. https://seattlepride.org/news/international-asexuality-day-three-ways-to-be-an-ally-to-the-asexual-community#:~:text=International%20Asexuality%20Day%20(IAD)%20takes,asexual%2C%20demisexual%20and%20greysexual%20individuals.

View, T. (2019, August 15). Everything you need to know about lithosexuality. Live Love LGBTQ+. https://livelovelgbtq.wordpress.com/2017/10/26/lithosexual/

What is Asexuality? | International Asexuality Day & Ace Symbols