What’s a Guncle? | Celebrate Gay Uncles Day

What is Gay Uncles Day and Why is it Important?

Family can be a challenging topic in the LGBTQ+ community. While “[92% of LGBT+ adults] say society has become more accepting of them in the past decade and an equal number expect it to grow even more accepting in the decade ahead…, (Pew Research Center, 2013) this does not mean that everyone is accepting of identities outside of heterosexual cisgender ‘norm’. In the same 2013 study “[a]bout four-in-ten (39%) say that at some point in their lives they were rejected by a family member or close friend because of their sexual orientation or gender identity…,” (Pew Research Center, 2013).

Six years later, in a 2019 study conducted by Just Like Us (a Uk-based organization as opposed to the Pew Research Center, which focused on American LGBTQ+ individuals) interviewed “3,695 adults aged 18 to 25 [and] found that LGBT+ young adults were twice as likely as non-LGBT+ young adults to say they were not close to their immediate family members (14% compared to 6%)”.

This means that a holiday like Gay Uncle’s Day, which is celebrated on the second Sunday of August each year (2024 being the 13th) (Ghazali, 2023) can be a time to celebrate those family connections, whether the ‘Guncle’ (gay uncle!) and the niblings (a gender-neutral term for those kids typically called niece or nephew) are related by blood or not. Found family is a huge part of the LGBTQ+ community!

See-ming Lee 李思明 (https://www.flickr.com/photos/seeminglee/), CC BY-SA 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Gay Uncles Day is an opportunity to “increase the visibility of L.G.B.T.Q.I.A.+ people in families, rather than being seen as just another group of people” (Ghazali, 2023). I love this outlook, we, as LGBTQ+ people are whole people, including our familial relationships.

As the stereotype of queer individuals (particularly men and those assigned male at birth) being harmful to children for a variety of reasons, a holiday that celebrates the inclusion of, in this case, specifically, gay relatives in the lives of children, and the family at large and it being a normal, healthy part of family life, is very affirming for the Guncles it celebrates, as well as creating examples to normalize this for individuals who are unused to having LGBT+ individuals in their families.

Gay Uncles Day is usually celebrated by the Guncles themselves (or their family members) sharing pictures of them with their niblings on social media, with captions celebrating the Guncles’ involvement and impact on their niblings’ lives (checkiday, n.d.). It’s also a great time to spend time with your Niblings, or your Guncle. You could also give your guncle a gift or send him a card.

History

Gay Uncles Day is a new holiday, “[t]he idea for the day came from C.J. Hatter of Florida, who made a Facebook post on May 8, 2016, that said: "I hereby proclaim the second Sunday in August to be Gay Uncles' Day! Hey, we deserve a holiday of our own!" (checkiday, n.d.). Simon Dunn, an Australian athlete, also posted “I've seen a few post today wanting to make August 14 "Gay Uncles Day" or "Guncles Day" what do you think?” on Instagram (Harper, 2016) as well, and like a lot of good (and bad) things on the internet, it took off. Now it’s celebrated on the second Sunday every August, and it’s no longer the only holiday of this type. Nonbinary Parents Day is celebrated on the third Sunday of April (Planned Parenthood, n.d.).

Bibliography

Checkiday. (2024, August 4). It’s Gay Uncles Day! Checkiday.com. https://www.checkiday.com/747690e5293a7466f7c85e6d4222acf2/gay-uncles-day#:~:text=The%20idea%20for%20the%20day,isn’t%20just%20for%20uncles.

Data shows majority of LGBT adults estranged from family. Just Like Us. (2023, April 18). https://www.justlikeus.org/blog/2023/04/19/new-research-shows-almost-half-of-lgbt-adults-are-estranged-from-family-and-a-third-not-confident-their-parents-will-accept-them/

Ghazali, S. (2023, August 4). Gay uncles day. National Today. https://nationaltoday.com/gay-uncles-day/

Harper, N. (2023, October 23). Photos celebrating “national gay uncles day” are adorable. QNews. https://qnews.com.au/these-photos-celebrating-national-gay-uncles-day-are-adorable/

Let’s celebrate nonbinary parents! Planned Parenthood. (n.d.). https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/lets-celebrate-nonbinary-parents#:~:text=Each%20year%20the%20third%20Sunday%20in%20April%20marks%20Nonbinary%20Parent’s%20Day.

Pew Research Center. (2013, June 13). A survey of LGBT Americans. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/06/13/a-survey-of-lgbt-americans/

Panromantic vs Pansexual? | Panromantic and Pansexual Visibility Day

A pansexual pride flag that is a part of my patchwork pride collection

Terms and definitions 

Bisexual: “means being attracted to the gender the same as your own, AND to other genders. Some people use it to mean ‘attracted to two or more genders’" (Minus18). 

Pan: An abbreviation for the words for pansexual and panromantic.

Panromantic: “Refers to an individual who is romantically attracted to people of all genders, but does not notice their partner's gender. Panromantics will tend to feel that their partner's sex and/or gender does little to define their relationship.”  (PFLAG, 2024).

Pansexual: “a person whose emotional, romantic and/or physical attraction is to people inclusive of all genders” (PFLAG, 2024).

A note: someone who is pansexual does not need to be panromantic or vice versa. For, example, a person could be asexual and panromantic, or pansexual and demiromantic. This idea that a person’s sexuality and who they are romantically attracted to not being the same is called the Split Attraction Model (Princten, 2024)

History and Observance

The goal of Pansexual and Panromantic Visibility Day is “to uplift the community and raise awareness of pansexuality and panromanticism, what they are, and how they differ from other similar identities” (The Rainbow Stores).

The term pansexual has existed for nearly a century before the day of visibility, albeit with a different definition.  “The term pansexual, or rather, pansexualism, first appeared in 1914… the term was coined by one of [Sigmund] Freud’s scholarly critics… [i]n its early days, pansexualism did not refer to one’s sexual orientation. Rather, it was a psychoanalytic term that represented the idea that “sex motivates all things.” (Ou, 2022)

 Pan Visibility Day has been celebrated on May 24th, since 2015 (Unicorn, 2023). This is a different event from “Pansexual and Panromantic Pride day [which is] on Dec 8th” (The Rainbow Store). 

This day of visibility “invites us to consider pansexual people as a community in its own right, with an identity, a culture and specific needs” (RainbowHouse, 2023) as opposed to just lumping it in with bisexuality or acting as if it is an intermediary stage or identity between straight and gay.

Bi vs Pansexuality

Bisexuality and Pansexuality (and their respective romantic orientations) are similar, so it isn’t surprising that there are some misconceptions about how these two identities relate to each other, and others, particularly transgender and nonbinary individuals. 

Firstly, the terms Bisexuality and Pansexuality are not different words for the same term, nor is pansexual an updated version of bisexual. RainbowHouse (2023) explains that “bisexuality refers to attraction to more than one gender, pansexuality and panromanticism refer to sexual or romantic attraction to a person regardless of their gender identity or gender expression”. This is a pervasive myth, and even the Human Rights Campaign mentions in their defenition for Bisxuality that it is sometimes used interchangeably with pansexuality.

One common misconception about bisexuality is that it, as an identity is transphobic. This comes from the fact that the prefix of the word ‘bi’ which means ‘two’. Some people insisted and still insist that “the existing definition of bisexual upheld the gender binary” (RainbowHouse, 2023). This is not true. 

While older, more basic definitions of bisexuality are often along the lines of ‘attracted to both genders’, but more nuanced defenitions are varied and make space for the gender binary. “A person emotionally, romantically or sexually attracted to more than one gender, though not necessarily simultaneously, in the same way or to the same degree” (Human Rights Campaign), is one more detailed definition. “Someone who is attracted to those of their same gender as well as to those of a different gender” (It gets better) is another. 

While the definition of bisexuality is not nearly as settled as the one for pansexuality, no commonly accepted definition of bisexuality suggests that it strictly adheres to the gender binary, or is exclusive of trans and nonbinary people. 

Pride Symbols

Panromantic Pride Flag: The colors are, in descending order blue, green, orange, and red. Respectively they represent male romantic love, asexual romantic love, nonbinary love, and female romantic love (Grand Rapids Pride Center, 2023).

Pansexual Pride Flag: The Pansexual Pride Flag was designed in 2010 by queer non-binary person Jasper V… The pink in the flag represents people who are feminine, the blue people who are masculine, and the yellow is everyone in between. (The Rainbow Stores)

Frying Pan: This is not so much as a symbol as a joke often associated with the pansexual community, and is not a welcome one, usually. The joke usually goes along the lines of ‘oh you’re pansexual, does that mean you’re attracted to pans??!’  A Google search of the joke reveals a plethora of Reddit threads and blog posts of mixed opinions about the joke, though most often it’s negative opinions about it. 

The Pansexual Symbol: (it does not have an official name) effectively combines a cross and an arrow design in the shape of a P. A cross is traditionally associated with Venus and women, and an arrow is a symbol for Mars and men. Combining an arrow and a cross is a symbol for the transgender community. (Ou, 2022)

Books with Pan Rep

It can be tricky to find books with explicit pansexual representation because it seems, at least to me, that very rarely does any character label themself as pan (or bi for that matter). Not to mention, for those characters that do have a relationship with someone of the same gender, it is far to easy to label them as bi and just call it a day. There’s also, the ‘I don’t like labels’ that bisexuals are often beleaguered with, that I sense bleeds over into pansexuality as well.

All of that being said, as I was reflecting on the books I have read throughout the past few years, I stumbled across ‘The Long Way to the Small Angry Planet’* by Becky Chambers and knew that had to be the example I shared with all of y’all. 

Now, to my remembering, no one explicitly says that they are pan in this novel (and a quick Google search seems to confirm this), however, between all of the different alien species, gender structures, and identities, I would say that this book has great spiritual pan representation, even if it isn’t explicit. 

However, this book will not appeal to everyone. There are a lot of people out there (myself included) who very much love this book, and the series it is a part of, but there is also a vocal group of people who didn’t like it. I think it’s just one of those books. 

So who will be most likely to enjoy this book? Readers who enjoy character-driven stories with less plot, expansive world-building with varied alien species that are well thought out, as well as political development. It is definitely a cozy science fiction and is slow-paced, comparatively speaking. 

All in all, it’s a book I recommend at least trying if you are looking for representation of love that goes beyond labels of gender.

Any hyperlinks followed with an asterisk (*) indicate that they are affiliate links. This means that if you purchase something from this link, I receive a small commission from the site. It will not change the price of the product for you.

Bibliography

Glossary of terms. Human Rights Campaign. (n.d.). https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms?utm_source=ads_ms_HRC_20240306-HRC-AW-GS-Natl-GlossaryRP_GlossaryKeywords_a001-dynamic-rst_b%3Abisexual&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw9IayBhBJEiwAVuc3frp54ppgzPUPHK4XlmSK1120PXi6eAmfst1ZWAHH2oXoKwblUm-kPhoCLa4QAvD_BwE

May 24. International Day of pansexual and Pan-Romantic visibility. RainbowHouse. (2023, May 24). http://rainbowhouse.be/en/article/may-24-international-day-of-pansexual-and-pan-romantic-visibility/

Ou, W. (2022, December 7). Happy National Pansexual Pride Day: Stay pan. stay proud. Project MORE. https://domoreproject.org/blog/national-pansexual-pride-day-2022/#:~:text=The%20Pansexual%20Symbol%20

Panromantic Pride Flag. Grand Rapids Pride Center. (2023, October 2). https://grpride.org/product/panromantic-pride-flag/

Pansexual and Panromantic Visibility Day. The Rainbow Stores. (n.d.). https://www.therainbowstores.com/blogs/blogs-guides/pansexual-and-panromantic-visibility-day

The PFLAG National Glossary: LGBTQ+ terminology. PFLAG. (2024, March 26). https://pflag.org/glossary/?utm_source=google_cpc&utm_medium=ad_grant&utm_campaign=cbc_ggrant_glossary&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw88yxBhBWEiwA7cm6pdQ8qnfjXxuQXb_nGLuMQnRCKGxGxCRxVhe6huuvOmn5NIMtmX7fAhoCmZIQAvD_BwE

The Trustees of Princeton University. (2024, May 14). Split attraction model - princeton gender + sexuality resource center. Princeton University. https://www.gsrc.princeton.edu/split-attraction

Unicorn, H. (2023, December 18). When is pansexual visibility day 2024 and what does it mean?. Heckin’ Unicorn. https://heckinunicorn.com/blogs/heckin-unicorn-blog/when-is-pansexual-visibility-day-2024-and-what-does-it-mean?currency=USD

What’s the difference between bisexual and pansexual? Minus18. (n.d.). https://www.minus18.org.au/articles/what’s-the-difference-between-bisexual-and-pansexual

Lesbian Visibility Week: A Week of WLW Love

Lesbian Awareness Week occurs for the final full week of the month of April, and this year that is from the 22nd to the 27th.

This sunset pride flag is a part of my Patchwork Pride collection, and can be purchased in my shop.

History and Observance

This week-long even is relatively new, despite having been “first celebrated in mid-July in 1990, and was conceived out of lesbians' frustrations with the higher visibility of LGBT men than LBGT women… The week was coordinated by West Hollywood Lesbian Visibility Committee and the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center and devoted to raising awareness of lesbian identities and topics and celebrating the lesbian community” (Heckin’ Unicorn, 2023).

After a few years, Lesbian Visibility Week became less as less widespread. In 2008 Lesbian Visibility was established, but the week long celebration was only resume in 2020, thanks to However, after 1992, the week fell off until International Lesbian Visibility Day came to be in 2008. A whole week still didn’t exist again until 2020 when Linda Riley, the publisher of DIVA Magazine, (re)founded Lesbian Awareness Week (Vargas, 2024).

Lesbian Pride Symbols and Terminology

Double Venus: The venus symbol, which is often used to denote female, is duplicated and interlocked (De Montfort)

Labrys Pride Flag: “The first well-documented design for a lesbian pride flag… designed by a gay graphic designer named Sean Campbell in 1999. The Labrys Flag features a white double-headed axe, called a labrys, superimposed on top of an inverted black triangle with a purple background” (Bauer, 2023). The Purple background is connected to Sappho who wrote about girls with wreathes of violets on their heads. The Black triangle is a symbol that was used by the Nazis to label lesbians, along with other groups, as ‘asocial’ during the holocaust. The labrys is connected to the Amazons, a mythical race of warrior women who were considered to be lesbians.

Lipstick Lesbian Pride Flag: “Created by blogger Natalie McCray in 2010, [and also known as the Pink Lesbian Pride flag], this flag features seven stripes in various shades of red and pink with a lipstick mark placed in the top left corner (Bauer, 2023). This flag fell out of use as many lesbians who were butch, or generally less femme, did not identify with the colors and design of the flag. It was further abandoned by the community when, in the late twenty teens, the creators bigoted opinions became more widely known (Bauer, 2023)

Sapphic: “an umbrella term that includes lesbian, bisexual, and pansexual trans femmes, mascs, nonbinary folks, and cis women…. "sapphic" strives to conjure an experience more akin to an intention toward attraction — one oriented less to any specific gender identity and more to the fullness of a potential lovers' humanity” (Hamou, 2022). The term originates from the ancient Greek poet Sappho of Lesbos, who wrote poetry about her love for women.

Sunset Pride Flag: “created by a nonbinary lesbian named Emily Gwen in 2018….[There were initially] seven stripes in a gradient of orange to pink…” (Bauer 2023). From top to bottom: dark orange represents gender nonconformity, coral; independence, pale orange; community, white; unique relationships to womanhood, pinkish purple for serenity and peace, darker purple-pink for love and sex, and finally deep magenta represents femininity (Bauer, 2023). This version might be one of the most widely-used versions of the lesbian flag today, whether in its seven-stripe or simplified five-stripe form (Bauer, 2023).

This sunset pride flag is a part of my Patchwork Pride collection, and can be purchased in my shop.

Toaster Oven: A reference to the episode of the sit-com ‘Ellen’, where it is mentioned to Ellen DeGenerous’ character (who does come out in the episode) that if a lesbian recruits a straight woman she is gifted a toaster oven (Devil’s Food Cake, 2011)

Violets: A symbol that comes for Sappho’s poetry about her love for women. The violet was made into a modern symbol for lesbian love by Édouard Bourdet in his 1927 play; “The Captive” (University of Washington, 2021).

WLW: An acronym that means ‘women loving women’ or ‘women (who) love women’.

A Book with Lesbian Representation

Deus Ex Mechanic* is the first book in The Cricket Chronicles, written by Ryann Fletcher. The main character Alice is the best mechanic in the Galaxy, (and also a lesbian). She unwillingly joins a pirate crew, led by the beautiful and powerful Violet. She finds herself falling for her new captain as well as reconsidering everything she knows about the Coalition. 

I admit, Ryann is a friend of mine, but I absolutely love the crew of the Cricket, and this book is a wonderful representation of a sapphic romance. The cast of characters is diverse in many ways, and the writing is great. This book is definitely worth a read if you enjoy Becky Chambers’ work, and want a sweet Sapphic read. 

Any hyperlinks followed with an asterisk (*) indicate that they are affiliate links. This means that if you purchase something from this link, I receive a small commission from the site. It will not change the price of the product for you.

Bibliography

Bauer, E. (2023, June 23). A brief and very online history of the Lesbian Pride Flag. Them. https://www.them.us/story/history-of-the-lesbian-pride-flag

De Montfort University Leicester . (n.d.). LGBTQ+ Symbols & Meanings. De Montfort University Leicester . https://www.dmu.ac.uk/events/pride/symbols.aspx#:~:text=The%20double%20Venus%20symbol%20takes,symbol%20for%20the%20lesbian%20community.

Devil’s Food Cake. (2011, February 14). Gay slang vol. 5: Toaster oven. The Most Cake. https://themostcake.co.uk/we-like/gay-slang-vol-5-toaster-oven/

Hamou, Y. (2022, April 27). What does it mean to be sapphic?. Them. https://www.them.us/story/what-does-sapphic-mean

Unicorn, H. (2023, December 18). When is Lesbian Visibility Week 2024 and what does it mean?. Heckin’ Unicorn. https://heckinunicorn.com/blogs/heckin-unicorn-blog/when-is-lesbian-visibility-week-2024-and-what-does-it-mean?currency=USD

Vargas, A. (2024, February 1). When is Lesbian Visibility Week 2024? all about it - parade. Parade. https://parade.com/living/what-is-lesbian-visibility-week

What is Asexuality? | International Asexuality Day & Ace Symbols

While Ace Week takes place in October, International Asexuality Day is coming up on April 6th, and just like Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week back in February, I thought now would be a good time to talk about IAD and what it means to be on the Asexual spectrum.

What is Asexuality?

Abrosexual: “a term that describes a kind of sexual fluidity. Someone who’s abrosexual finds that their sexual attracttion [sic] shifts often: they might identify with the term ‘gay,’ and later feel attracted to people of all genders, and then feel little to no sexual attraction at all” (Ferguson, 2022).

Acespec: An abbreviation that means Asexual Spectum. Used to refer to all the identities that fall on the asexual spectrum.

Aceflux: “Individuals whose sexual orientation fluctuates along the spectrum between asexual and sexual” (OkCupid).

Aegosexual: “people who experience a disconnect between themselves and the subject of arousal. This enables them to experience sexual attraction, arousal, and desire in response to sexual stimuli, yet they have little or no desire to engage in sexual activity with anyone…. first called autochorissexuality back in 2012 by Dr. Anthony Bogaert” (Lavenia & Rosalin, 2022).

Allosexual (Allo): “An adjective used to describe a person who experiences sexual attraction to others, and is not asexual” (Glaad, 2023).

Apothisexual: Individuals who are repulsed at the idea of sexual interactions that involve them. The term ‘sex repulsed’ is often used interchangeably. (Leitner, 2022)

Asexual (Ace): “experience little to no sexual attraction to others. Aces can experience other forms of attraction, like romantic, sensual or aesthetic attraction, and can still engage in sexual activity if they choose to for various reasons despite not feeling sexual desire” (Seattle Pride, 20223).

Autosexual: “This sexual orientation refers to people who feel a sexual attraction toward themselves, one that surpasses your standard dose of “self-love.” In autosexuality, your primary sexual attraction is for the one and only YOU” (Hsieh & Engle, 2023).

Cupiosexual: Individuals who desire sexual experiences or a sexual relationship with someone but doesn’t experience sexual attraction. A relatively new term, believed to be coined in 2014. (Hsieh & Kibbe, 2023)

Demisexual (Demi): People who are demisexual “only experience sexual attraction once they form a strong emotional connection with another person” (Seattle Pride, 2023)

Fraysexual: Individuals that are only sexually attracted to those they do not have an emotional connection with. Once such a bond begins to form the sexual attract will begin to diminish. Often described as the opposite of Demisexual (Glassman-Hughes, 2022)

Greysexual (Grey Ace): This identity is “characterized by being asexual while also being able to experience or have previously experienced sexual attraction. This could appear in sexual attraction that is low in intensity, infrequent, ambiguous or only direction toward specific people” (Seattle Pride, 2023).

Lithosexual: “a person who experiences sexual attraction but does not want it reciprocated” (View, 2019).

History and Observance

International Asexuality Day is a new day of recognition, having only been established in 2021 (International Asexuality Day). It is April 6th, which was chosen “to avoid clashes with other significant dates around the world and to fit in with the constraints of the participating organisations as far as possible” (International Asexuality Day).

International Asexuality Day “does not belong to one particular organisation, being a collaboration between different international ace groups” (International Asexuality Day).

There is a strong focus on the part of the organizers to ensure that this day is not US-centric and is accessible to ace individuals around the world. The day is designed to complement other ace events like Ace Week (the last week in October), but with a special emphasis on the international community, going beyond the anglophone and Western sphere that has so far had the most coverage (International Asexuality Day).

The four themes of International Asexuality Day are advocacy, celebration, education, and solidarity (international asexuality day.org) These themes can be promoted in whatever way you want, whether you fall under the asexual spectrum, or are an ally. A simple photo post talking about your identity or support of Ace individuals or sharing information about the AceSpec identities (like this blog post!) can be a great way to mark the date.

Symbols of Asexual Pride

The most obvious symbol for asexual pride is the ace pride flag. From top to bottom it has a black stripe, a grey stripe, a white stripe, and purple stirpes. “The black stripe represents asexuality, the grey stripe represents grey-sexuality, the white stripe represents sexuality, and the purple stripe represents the a-spectrum community” (Asexuality Handbook). In this case, the term ‘a-spectrum refers to both asexual individuals and aromantic individuals and those within their individual spectrums. “The Asexual Pride flag was created in 2010 online via a popular vote led by the Asexuality and Visibility Education Network, AKA AVEN” (Elle, 2021).

An asexual pride flag from my Patchwork Pride collection. This flag is available for purchase in my shop. You can find the flag by clicking on the photo.

Another of the most common symbols of Asexual pride is the black ring. This specific “black ring [is] worn on the middle finger of the right hand… [and provide] a discreet visual clue that the people around them may also be asexual” (Asexuality handbook.com) either in the instance that a person is not comfortable being entirely out as asexual, or perhaps wants to be connected to the asexual community in this way, or both!

The black ring, as a symbol has evolved over time. It “originated from a 2005 AVEN thread, being a subversion of the traditional wedding band that demonstrated a rejection traditional relationship values” (Asexuality Handbook). This is an understandable impulse, as sex is often considered a requirement of a marriage, healthy or not.

However, asexual individuals can get married if they so desire, and can even enjoy sex and the intimacy it brings. Understanding this, in “the broader community the ring has never carried any such connotation” (Asexuality Handbook).

Phot of an Ace Ring by Eli Christman

Cake is another well-known symbol within the asexual community. “Cake is used as a symbol for asexuality by allusion to the common observation that asexuals prefer cake to sex. Although some asexuals may enjoy sex more than cake, the observation highlights how many asexuals see sex as something ordinary, like eating a cake. Other foods may be used instead with the same intended effect, notably garlic bread” (Asexuality Handbook)

The ace of spades is an obvious symbol. ‘Ace’ is an abbreviation of the word asexual, and is a playing card. Each suit has its own meaning, even if each of these sub-meanings isn’t as well known. The ace of hearts represents alloromantic aces, spades are for aromantic aces, diamonds represent demisexuals / greysexuals, and clubs are for questioning aces (Elle, 2021)

Similar to the gryphon being a symbol of aromatic pride, the dragon is a symbol of asexual pride. “While nobody seems to have a clear answer of where this symbol came from, it is said that it started as a joke on Tumblr…. Mythical creatures are often used to represent the ace community as aces feel that they are like mythical creatures, because society doesn’t always feel like we exist” (asexuals.net, 2022).

Books with Asexual Representation

Just like last time, I wanted to share a book with ace representation at the end of this post. This time I picked Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire. I love Seanan McGuire’s books so much, and her Wayward Children series is no exception. In this book, the main character, Nancy talks about her preference for relationships of the romantic sort, like flirting and other romantic connections, but also that she doesn’t want anything beyond that in terms of relationships. This suggests that Nancy is asexual and allometric. Any hyperlinks followed with an asterisk (*) indicate that they are affiliate links. This means that if you purchase something from this link, I receive a small commission from the site. It will not change the price of the product for you.

Bibliography

Asexual symbols explained: Learn more about asexuality on asexuals.net. Asexuals.net. (2022, March 9). https://www.asexuals.net/asexual-symbol-explained/

Asexual Symbols. Asexuality Handbook. (n.d.). https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/asexual-symbols

Elle. (2021, October 24). A short guide to asexuality. Rainbow & Co. https://rainbowandco.uk/blogs/what-were-saying/a-short-guide-to-asexuality

Ferguson, S. (2022, May 27). 10 abrosexual faqs: Meaning, signs, dating. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/abrosexual#definition

GLAAD. (2023, May 1). Glossary of terms: LGBTQ. GLAAD. https://glaad.org/reference/terms/

Glassman-Hughes, E. (2022, May 6). Fraysexuality can be misunderstood. here’s what you need to know. Sexopedia. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sexopedia/a39927546/what-is-fraysexuality/

Hsieh, C., & Engle, G. (2023, December 19). Here’s What It Means to Be Autosexual. Sexopedia. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sexopedia/a32700577/autosexual-definition/

Hsieh, C., & Kibbe, K. (2023, August 23). Cupiosexual definition - what is cupiosexuality?. Sexopedia. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sexopedia/a35046096/cupiosexual/

International Asexuality Day (IAD). (n.d.). International asexuality day. International Asexuality Day (IAD). https://internationalasexualityday.org/en/

Lavenia, A., & Rosalin, D. (2022, November 9). Aegosexuality: What is it and the history behind it. inspire. https://www.cxomedia.id/human-stories/20221109131918-74-176990/aegosexuality-what-is-it-and-the-history-behind-it#:~:text=Aegosexual%20classifies%20people%20who%20experience,in%20sexual%20activity%20with%20anyone

LEITNER, B. (2022, December 6). Apothisexuality explains why some folks are repulsed by sex. Sexopedia. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sexopedia/a42160151/apothisexual/

Okcupid. (n.d.). Identity: Orientation and gender expressions. Okcupid. https://www.okcupid.com/identity/

Seattlepride. (2023, April 5). International asexuality day: Three ways to be an ally to the asexual community: News: Seattle pride. Seattle Pride. https://seattlepride.org/news/international-asexuality-day-three-ways-to-be-an-ally-to-the-asexual-community#:~:text=International%20Asexuality%20Day%20(IAD)%20takes,asexual%2C%20demisexual%20and%20greysexual%20individuals.

View, T. (2019, August 15). Everything you need to know about lithosexuality. Live Love LGBTQ+. https://livelovelgbtq.wordpress.com/2017/10/26/lithosexual/

What Does it Mean to be Aromantic?

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week is now upon us, so I thought this would be a good time to share a bit about what it means, exactly to be aromantic.

These four flags, asexual, demiromantic, aromantic, and demisexual respectively, are all a part of my Patchwork Pride flag collection, which can be found by clicking on this photo.

What is Aromantic?

Lithoromantic: “an individual who feels romantic love towards someone but has no desire of having these feelings reciprocated. It’s also known as… romantic. This term also falls under the aromantic spectrum…” (Pace, 2023)

Alloromantic: “people who experience romantic feelings for one or more individuals” (PIÑEIRO, 2021)

Aromantic: A person who does not experience romantic attraction towards others. It is also the name for the spectrum that encapsulates all the identities relating to not feeling romantic attraction towards people in some form.

Arospec: an abbreviation for the term aromantic spectrum. It is often used by people as a shorthand way to explain that they fall somewhere on the aromantic Spectrum.

Asexual: A person who does not experience sexual attraction to others. It is also, like aromantic, the name for the spectrum that encapsulates all the identities relating to not feeling sexual attraction towards people in some form.

Demiromantic: “Only experience romantic attraction after forming a strong emotional connection with someone”. (very well mind)

Greyromantic: “People who are greyromantic experience romantic attraction, but not as frequently or intensely as alloromantic individuals. This can overlap with lithromanticism to some extent - a person might identify as both - but not all greyromantic individuals are lithromantic” (Ohwovoriole, 2023 )

History and Observance

The first observation of Aromantic Awareness Week was held "November 10th-17th in 2014, under the name Aromantic Awareness Week; in 2015” (Aromantic-Official, AUREA).

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week (abbreviated as ASAW) is now held on “the first full week (starting Sunday) following Valentine’s Day” (Aromantic-Official, AUREA). For 2024 that means that ASAW will be from the 18th to the 24th.

Symbols for Aromantic Pride

A “[w]hite ring worn on the middle finger is often worn by people who identify as someone on the aromantic spectrum” (Symbols of the ace-spectrum)

A symbol that overlaps the asexual and aromantic communities is the “[a]ce of Spades [which] is often used by asexuals who identify as someone on the aromantic spectrum” (Symbols of the ace-spectrum)

The Ace of Spades is a symbol of pride within both the Aromantic and Asexual Communities.

There have been multiple iterations of the Aromantic Pride flag. The one that is used by the arospec community currently “was created by Cameron Whimsy in 2014…. The color green was chosen to symbolize the aromanticism as the opposite of red, the color which is the most commonly associated with the romance” (Aromantic flag and symbols explained).

As with all pride flags, each of the colors has a meaning. As mentioned above the greens represent the aromantic spectrum itself, and were chosen to be as far opposite from the traditional colors of romance as possible. The white stripe represents platonic and aesthetic attraction, and the grey and black represent the spectrum that acknowledges the spectrum of sexuality that aromantic individuals also inhabit (Aromantic flag and symbols explained).

This Aromantic Pride flag is a part of the Patchwork Pride Collection by Stet Studio and can be found in my shop by clicking the photo.

The first Aromantic pride flag “which is no longer used… was created around 2011, on the website of the National Coalition for Aromantic Visibility. The flag received a lot of criticism as it didn’t seem to include the full aromantic spectrum, yet included alloromantic people” (Aromantic flag and symbols explained).

The colors of this pride flag were green for aromantics, yellow for romantic friendships and dating, orange for lithoromantics, and black for romantics who reject traditional romantic culture (Aromantic flag and symbols explained).

The original design of the Aromantic Pride flag, created in 2011.

The arrow (like you shoot out of a bow) is a symbol used by most aromantics to show their pride in their identity, simply because ‘aro’ sounds like ‘arrow’.

‘Arrow’ and ‘aro’ sound so similar that it has become a a symbol of aromantic pride.

Hearts might not be one's first guess for aromantic pride symbols, after all, hearts are pretty romantic, right? Well, I think these next two symbols are a great reminder that hearts, and love, do not need to be romantic. “A completely green heart or a heart with the aromantic flag on it, is also often used as a symbol for the community…. people on social media use the green heart emoji as this is used to indicate aromanticism. You will often see the green heart emoji given as a response in the comment section of videos about aromanticism” (Aromantic flag and symbols explained).

Yellow flowers are a symbol of aromanticism because “in the world of flowers, the color yellow means friendship… [and] can also symbolize happiness, joy and new beginnings” (Aromantic flag and symbols explained). Another great reminder of the types of love beyond romantic.

Because of the meanings associated with yellow flowers in floral language they have become a symbol of aromantic pride.

Another symbol that is intertwined with the asexual community, is the gryphon. The dragon is a symbol for the asexual community, both are mythological creatures and they represent the feeling of invisibility both communities often experience, especially when those who aren’t a part of these communities insist that these identities do not exist (Aromantic flags and symbols explained)

Books with Aromantic Representation

As a book-lover myself, I would be remiss if I didn't include a book with Aromantic representation. I recently read the book Kaikeyi: A Novel by Vaishnavi Patel*, which is a retelling of the story from the Ramayana. I found Kaikeyi, herself, to be Aromantic (and asexual). She mentions multiple times not feeling the way her husband's other wives do towards their husband or anyone at all. She also speaks of loving him, instead, dearly as a friend.

Any hyperlinks followed with an asterisk (*) indicate they are affiliate links. If you purchase something from this link, I receive a small commission from the site. It will not change the price of the product for you.

Bibliography

Aromantic flag and symbols explained. Asexuals.net. (2022, July 16). https://www.asexuals.net/aromantic-flag-and-symbols-explained/#aromanticflag

Aromantic-Official, AUREA. (n.d.). About asaw. Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week. https://www.arospecweek.org/about-asaw/

Ohwovoriole, T. (2023, August 9). What it means to be Lithromantic. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-it-means-to-be-lithromantic-7567805

Pace, R. (2023, July 19). Lithromantic: What it is, WHAT MAKES ONE & 15 signs you may be one. Marriage Advice - Expert Marriage Tips & Advice. https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/signs-of-lithromantic/#:~:text=The%20term%20lithromantic%20refers%20to,to%20be%20in%20a%20relationship

PIÑEIRO, S. M. C. (2021, May 18). Alloromantic: Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about what it means to be alloromantic. Cosmopolitan. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sexopedia/a36461835/alloromantic-definition/

Symbols of the ace-spectrum. Kent State University. (n.d.). https://www.kent.edu/lgbtq/symbols-ace-spectrum#:~:text=White%20ring%20worn%20on%20the,asexuals%20who%20identify%20as%20alloromantic.